


sing me to sleep

by 84dragons



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff, Hand & Finger Kink, Insomnia, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mind Meld, Miscommunication, Oblivious Bones, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Pre-McSpirk, Vulcan Kisses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/84dragons/pseuds/84dragons
Summary: Bones has insomnia. Since Vulcans don't need to sleep as much as humans do, Spock likes to stay awake with him during most of the night - sometimes he just meditates and keeps him company but other times they talk for hours (and argue about pointless things) until finally Bones falls asleep in Spock's arms.Or: 5 ways Spock tried to make Bones fall asleep + 1 way Bones comforted Spock when he was unable to fall asleep.





	1. I'm tired and I (don't) want to go to bed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irondeficient](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irondeficient/gifts).



> All mistakes are mine. Can you believe that up until two weeks or so ago I didn't even ship this pairing? This can all be blamed on tumblr user @bottomkirk.
> 
> Warning: the characters may be (overly) OOC because it's my first time writing for this fandom.
> 
> Note: I completely forgot to mention it, but the title and the chapters' titles all come from the song Asleep by The Smiths.

1\. **by using his telepathic abilities**

Bones groans, shifting his weight under the covers for the umpteenth time, silently praying that Spock is already fast asleep so as to not disturb him. 

Spock has told him that he only needs to sleep an average of four hours per day ( _the lucky bastard_ , Bones silently admonishes), so he spends most of his nights quietly meditating on a cushion next to their bed (or quietly working on his experiments, in spite of Leonard's protests) now that they share quarters - the point is that Spock is awfully quiet and while his presence is soothing, Bones can't help but think he's out of place in Spock's room, which is adorned with a Vulcan lyre and several other Vulcan objects that Bones doesn't know the name of but is too scared to ask about. 

He's been tossing and turning for hours now and he simply can't seem to find a comfortable position to sleep in. 

Sleep has never come easily to him, but he had thought that serving on the _Enterprise_ and having a proper routine (while attempting not to succumb to the temptation of overworking himself to the point of exhaustion) would attenuate his symptoms. 

Turns out he was wrong to discard his sleep aids so quickly, especially now that he and Spock... _he and Spock were together_ (or, at least, they were sleeping in the same bed and hadn't had a significant argument in weeks despite the fact that they were regularly seeing each other in their spare time, which was a small victory in itself) and his perpetual feeling of being on the verge of fucking things up is gnawing at him more than ever. 

It's the first time he has permitted himself to think of them in those terms and he flinches slightly as he takes in the implications surrounding it. He and Spock were definitely overdue for a conversation regarding their current relationship status, but Bones had assumed he wouldn't want to discuss something that pertained to _illogical_ ''human customs with regards to courting'' with him and had rationalized that Spock would eventually broach the subject on his own and establish his boundaries by himself. 

They've been sharing Spock's quarters for two weeks now and they haven't even kissed or had sex yet and while Bones is perfectly fine with that (more than fine, actually, since he fully intends on taking things slow with him), he can't help but think that their whole relationship is based on miscommunication alone and that they aren't _actually_ a couple. 

He's fairly certain that Spock wouldn't object to him referring to him as a friend and he knows that Spock is perfectly able to distinguish the (often subtle, especially to humans) nuance between platonic feelings and romantic ones, but he's afraid that he's simply reading too much into it. Wouldn't he have informed him of his intent if he had been pursuing him in the romantic sense? 

Spock has told him that he and Nyota have come to the mutual understanding that they work better as friends than romantic partners and shortly after that Spock had begun expressing a desire to spend more time with him in a more casual setting and had suggested that Bones come to his quarters after his shift to ''ascertain their compatibility as potential roommates'', whatever the hell that meant. 

It turned out to have been Spock's way of asking him to share his quarters, which Bones had agreed to for the simple reason that he'd been pining for the half-Vulcan for god knows how long and he couldn't take it anymore and desperately needed to know if his feelings were reciprocated. The fact that Spock had frequently slept in Nyota's quarters even after their break-up had led him to believe that Spock's offer wasn't meant to be explicitly romantic, but merely experimental in nature. 

''To hell with it,'' he swears when it's become clear that he's painfully awake, his mind reeling with anxiety at the prospect of losing this _thing_ he's got going on with Spock, resigning himself to sit up on the bed. He quickly scans the dimly-lit room and his eyes instantly fall on the figure sitting next to him in the lotus position. Still meditating, then. _Of course._

''Spock?'' he whispers. ''Are you awake?'' 

''Of course I am awake, Leonard,'' he says in a tone that indicates that he thinks Bones is being particularly obtuse, but he still detects a hint of mirth behind the words and he fights the urge to smile at this blatant Spockian display of emotion. If he didn't know better, Bones would say that Spock looks like he's smirking at him in his own Vulcan way. 

''Spock, it's five in the morning. You're usually still sleeping at that time.'' 

He tries to sound nonchalant, but fooling Spock becomes harder everyday. 

''And how would you know that, Doctor? You have assured me this morning that you have slept 'like a baby' every night since you relocated to my quarters and have confirmed on five separate occasions, no doubt to assuage my suspicions, that you sleep an average of eight hours per night.'' 

Spock quirks a brow at him in triumph as Bones' mouth opens and closes several times before he gives up and makes a jab at Spock, who stays perfectly impassible except for the distinctive glint in his eye that suggests he's about to come up with a reprimand of some kind ( _here we go again_ , Bones grumbles). 

''I have been monitoring your sleeping patterns since you began sleeping in my quarters 2.36 weeks ago and I have found that you have had difficulty reaching the REM sleep phase, possibly due to your increased alcohol intake as of late. My findings also indicate that several factors could help you achieve this state more efficiently and I would like your permission to conduct an experiment to confirm my hypothesis.''

 _Close enough_ , Bones thinks.

''Uh... sure, Spock, whatever you want,'' Bones grumbles as he tries to snuggle up to his pillow in a fruitless attempt to find the perfect sleeping position. ''I'll try to sleep for real, now. Ciao.'' 

Just as he closes his eyes, he feels something warm ghosting up his arm. He gulps. Spock's fingertips are grazing his arm ever so slightly, threatening to make Bones hiss. 

''Spock? What the hell are you doing?'' 

He is actually enjoying the touch, perhaps a little too much if his heated cheeks are any indication, but admitting to it would only discourage Spock from continuing his ministrations, so he pretends otherwise. 

''Doctor, up until now you have insisted that we sleep apart from each other, each of us taking up no more room than we need, but my hypothesis strongly suggests that sleeping closer to me would facilitate your falling asleep by approximately 13.8% if my extensive research into human sleeping habits proves itself to be correct.'' His tone implies that his research, obviously based on logical principles, couldn't possibly lead to fallacious results and that refuting that would be akin to argue against logic itself ( _and that would be inadvisable_ , Bones grumbles internally). ''Since you have hitherto been unable to achieve any results despite your countless efforts, I deem it only logical to seek a more,'' he seems to hesitate for a moment, ''direct approach.'' 

''And you think that cuddling up with you would do the trick?'' Bones says, unable to keep the sarcasm from seeping into his words. 

''Affirmative,'' Spock replies quietly as he rolls over towards him, the mattress squeaking slightly when he drops next to Bones, who wills himself to stay still at all costs. 

His arms encircle Bones' waist in a tight embrace that would feel uncomfortable if it weren't for the fact that it's _Spock_ and he has been dreaming of this for months and this is entirely too much and he wonders if Spock's plan to get him to fall asleep involves slowly torturing him with hugs. 

Before he has the time to protest, Bones senses Spock nuzzling his neck, closely followed by his warm hand slipping under his t-shirt, which starts leisurely rubbing circles into his skin while his other hand massages his scalp at the same rhythm. After a while he relaxes into Spock's embrace, simply content to enjoy such a peaceful moment with him, and at one point when Spock starts kneading his belly earnestly, he inadvertently lets out a feeble moan and instantly freezes up in Spock's arms.

''Shhh...'' 

He feels Spock's fingertips on his face then, gently caressing him, inching ever so closer to his psi-points. 

''Spock...'' he murmurs, suddenly feeling heavy, his eyes drooping of their own accord. 

''Sleep, Leonard,'' he says - no, commands - and his voice already seems far away, and Bones finds he can only give in to it. 

2\. **by making Leonard drink some tea**

''Leonard, cease this at once.'' Spock's voice is firm, but Bones knows he isn't really mad at him. He presumes he's on the verge of getting past his Vulcan control judging by Spock's overly strained expression and internally congratulates himself on being one of the only ones able to provoke him thus (Jim is probably another likely candidate). 

Bones grunts in annoyance, but stops bouncing his leg. 

''I am attempting to meditate,'' Spock states in a carefully measured tone, which - Bones has come to understand - is his way of rolling his eyes. 

''And I still can't sleep,'' Bones sighs and sits up on the bed, hugging his pillow to himself. 

Spock cracks an eye open and when he sees the state Bones is in (the circles under his eyes are a shade darker than he remembers them being, a stark contrast against his paler-than-usual face, and he definitely seems to have lost some weight, which makes him look sick and Spock's heart aches at the sight), he seems to take pity on him and invites him over. 

''You will not always be able to rely on my telepathic abilities to help you sleep,'' Spock says in a voice that suggests he won't tolerate any protests just as Bones crawls up on his lap. 

''I know,'' Bones replies quietly. 

''However, I have thought about other alternatives,'' Spock informs him, and Bones knows he's been planning this all along. He settles in Spock's arms and rests his head on Spock's shoulder, his cheek flush against Spock's own. 

A couple of minutes later, just as he was starting to feel truly comfortable, Spock suddenly shifts under him and the mattress dips as he rises from it and Bones groans at the missing contact.

''What are you doing?'' 

''Stay here,'' Spock instructs. 

He comes back a few minutes later with two steaming cups of... something that smells spicy, sweet and slightly bitter all at once. Whatever it is, it smells delicious and Bones is impatient to taste it. 

''Hmm, what is that?'' 

'' _Theris-masu_ , a type of Vulcan herbal tea. My mother used to add a special ingredient to it that supposedly helped me sleep. I have replicated us both a cup of the very same beverage she used to serve me when I fell ill and stayed up all night because of the pain.''

When he offers the cup to Bones, Spock's fingers brush up against his momentarily before he quickly takes them away as if he had been electrocuted. A green blush is apparent on his cheeks and his eyes are trained on the bed sheets, avoiding Bones' intent gaze. 

''What's up with you and my fingers anyway?'' Bones asks him, unable to contain his curiosity much longer. While he had been getting more and more physically demonstrative as their relationship progressed into the realm of close... _friendship_ , Bones supposes, unwilling to put any other name to their relationship yet, Spock had avoided touching his fingers ever since they'd bunked up together. ''Don't you like my hands?'' Bones teases him, sucking on his index finger in a mock-seductive way.

Spock swallows audibly. 

''This is precisely what I wished to avoid,'' Spock mutters under his breath, and resumes drinking his tea. 

''What do you mean?'' Bones hears himself asking. 

''Leonard,'' Spock takes a long pause,''I may not be well-versed in human bonding rituals, but I have gathered sufficient data on the matter to know that what we are doing now extends past your cultural understanding of friendship.'' 

''Are you saying we're dating?'' Bones asks hopefully, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

''Affirmative - if you see no objection to it, that is.'' 

Bones' smile grows exponentially and he takes a sip of his own tea. 

''What about my hands?'' he resolves himself to ask, because damn it, he wants to know. Is Spock embarrassed because he's attracted to his hands? He certainly wouldn't be the first... or the last, to have a particular fixation on them. 

''You are incorrigible,'' Spock replies, but seems amused. ''You do know that Vulcans are touch-telepaths,'' he begins and Bones fights the urge to roll his eyes - of course he knows. Spock seems to perceive his annoyance at the statement and quirks a brow in disapproval. ''Vulcan hands are particularly receptive to surface readings that can occur when skin-to-skin contact between two unsuspecting parties is established before proper shielding methods can be implemented, and in addition to that, contain significantly more nerve-endings than their human counterparts, which-'' 

''Are you saying that you guys get off on touching hands?'' 

''Of course not,'' Spock says indignantly, but then amends,''I could not achieve orgasm by hand stimulation alone,'' and at that Bones mouths the words _excuse me_ and he nearly chokes on his own spit, ''but I cannot deny their heightened sensitivity, which accounts for the fact that Vulcans typically exchange the equivalent of human kisses with their fingers rather than their mouths. Do you wish for a demonstration?''

Bones can only nod at that and Spock extends his middle and index fingers before him and seems to be waiting for him to reciprocate. Bones obliges and then their fingers come into contact and it feels like an electrical discharge just burst forth from both of their cores, culminating in their linked fingertips. The contact sends a shiver down Bones' spine and he feels something akin to desire pool low in his stomach. He suppresses a moan when Spock begins trailing his fingertips along the back of his hand and before it can escalate any further, Bones makes the decision to part from Spock and slowly retreats back to his initial sleeping spot on the bed. 

When he looks back at him to assess the situation, Spock sports an alarmed expression.

''Have I done something to offend you?'' he asks shyly, and if Bones hadn't heard it he wouldn't have believed such a strangled sound could have come out of the half-Vulcan. 

''No, it's just... well...'' he clears his throat,''I don't think we should be, um, getting on with this. It would be highly,'' he tries to think of something _logical_ to say, but all his blood has rushed southwards and that complicates things by half, ''highly inappropriate,'' he finishes lamely, hoping Spock will be satisfied by his answer. 

On the contrary, Spock seems even more crestfallen at hearing those words and then starts gathering his pillow and blanket, which he subsequently tosses onto the floor, forming a little heap. He's about to rise again from the bed, but Bones interrupts him: 

''No, Spock, that's not what I meant,'' Bones sighs. ''Damn it! I'm just tired and I... I want to go to sleep. With you next to me, with your arms around me and my head on your chest. Just like we've been doing for the past few weeks. I'm really tired right now and I don't think it'd be a good idea to, you know. I wouldn't mind finishing what we started tomorrow, though,'' he says with a wink and Spock's expression instantly eases back into one of abated contentment. 

''You would be amendable to have sexual relations with me?'' Spock asks, relief tainting his voice, and Bones can tell he's trying really hard to tone down his excitement. 

''I believe that is what I just said, Commander,'' Bones replies gruffly in a failed attempt to imitate what he terms 'Spock-speak'. ''Now c'mere, you giant dork,'' Bones says as he pats the spot next to him. ''I need my favorite pillow to sleep on.'' 

''I believe the herbal tea will take effect shortly,'' Spock says as he snuggles up to Bones, a hand resting on his hip. 


	2. I don't want to wake up on my own anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock fucks up, Spock ignores Bones, Bones is frustrated.
> 
>  
> 
> _They have the rest of their lives to be at each other's throats, the rest of their lives to figure each other out. Right now he just wants to hold on to Spock and never let go._
> 
>  
> 
>  **This chapter contains** : character studies, a drunk Spock who makes questionable choices, awkward bonding proposals, Spock's favorite coping mechanism aka Isolation, A-N-G-S-T with a happy ending, some quality advice from Uhura (and a hint of Chahura), lots of misunderstandings and a tiny bit of hurt/comfort + the promise of a future together.

3\. **by being his insufferable, emotionally constipated self** __

_Nyota Uhura was one of the few individuals who could pride herself on being fluent in Spockese, and McCoy had hoped that by paying her a visit in the rec room where he knew she and nurse Chapel spent their evenings together he could have used her linguistic talents to his advantage, unbeknownst to her of course... or maybe not._

_After all, Lieutenant Uhura was a very perceptive woman and she had instantly caught on to McCoy's little ploy to get her to talk about a certain emotionally stunted half-Vulcan's penchant for ignoring you when he was undergoing some internal crisis._

_In her defense, McCoy hadn't exactly been subtle, dropping hint after hint after hint that he was displeased with the recent development of his relationship with Spock to anyone who was subjected to one of his theatrical monologues, which Uhura had happened upon twice on the same day when she'd dropped by sickbay to say hello to her girlfriend Christine at the beginning and end of her shift._

_They had just finished their third game of checkers when she had pointed out, not unkindly, that he seemed more worn out than usual (_ damn it, everyone's on my case now _, he couldn't help but think) and without any more probing she had proceeded to give him the exact piece of advice he'd been looking for._

_''In spite of his eloquence, Spock is a man of few words. Actions speak louder than words to him. Show him how you feel first, and tell him later if you must,'' Nyota had said with a playful smile, winking as McCoy blinked at her in utter bewilderment. ''Oh, and, Leonard- don't forget the ear-biting. He really likes that,'' she added mischievously, quietly laughing at McCoy's indignant expression. ''Trust me, you'll be thanking me later.''_

_If he had known it would have been so simple, he would have gone straight to her quarters after Alpha shift instead of bombarding Jim with questions he wouldn't answer because the kid had sworn not to under some top secret Vulcan oath Spock had put him up to - whether or not that oath actually existed was up for debate, but at the moment the doctor had bigger fish to fry if he wanted to make it up to his half-Vulcan boyfriend before he decided to call things off between the two of them._

''Spock, I need you to be straight with me,'' Bones says out of the blue. He's just finished his nightly cup of _theris-masu_ and though its relaxing effect is slowly kicking in, his mind is more restless than ever and he thinks that all the Vulcan herbal tea in the world couldn't make him fall asleep even if he wanted to. 

Spock stops what he's doing (probably finishing up a report on his PADD or doing something equally tedious - _he never seems to catch a break these days_ , Bones laments) and turns to look at him, one slanted eyebrow raised in query while his lips, usually pursed in a thin line, are slightly upturned in a semblance of a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes. 

''That would be impossible for me to do, Leonard, since we are currently engaged in a romantic relationship and neither of us is heterosexual.'' 

His tone is clipped, belying the humorous nature of his statement. Normally Bones would smile at his boyfriend's attempt to lighten the mood (Spock's particular brand of humor is starting to grow on him) or make a snide comment in reply, but the minute twitch of Spock's bottom lip indicates that something's off. 

His eyes are unfocused and he appears tenser than usual, if such a thing is even possible for him. 

His instinct is to get up and embrace Spock in a tight hug, but at the moment he doesn't think any kind of touch would be welcome. 

That's the most he's managed to get out of him tonight and he'll be damned if he doesn't take this opportunity to coax Spock into spilling his guts about whatever's been going down in that beautiful mind of his lately. 

Oh how he he longs to revisit it - sooner rather than later. The slight brush of his mind against Spock's was enough for him to get a glimpse of its richness, always leaving him wanting more... and now it seems as if Spock has completely shut him out. He won't even look him in the eye, damn it. 

''Stop that right now,'' he snaps as he straightens up to a sitting position, looking Spock in the eye and daring him to hold his gaze. ''Stop deflecting the point and listen to what I have to say for two damned seconds. You've been avoiding me for god knows how long and it's been driving me crazy-'' 

Spock looks like he's about to interrupt him, but Bones gives him a look that instantly makes him backtrack. 

''I wasn't finished,'' he quips, raising his voice, and he can see that Spock looks sheepish though he would never admit it out loud. _Good_ , he thinks. 

''It's been what, two weeks, since we've last had sex, and you won't touch me outside of the bedroom and that's _if_ you touch me. I can't remember the last time we kissed, Spock,'' he says in a whisper, his voice nearly cracking. ''I get that you need your space, I really do, but I can't do this anymore. I can't go back to being just friends with you, not after everything that happened between us.'' He takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep his gaze fixed on him. ''Please talk to me, Spock. Tell me what's going on,'' Bones pleads, and he briefly considers crossing the room to go stand next to his boyfriend and makes to rise from the bed, but aborts the movement when Spock's eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

He was going to leave it at that, but in the face of his boyfriend's silence the bitterness he's been carrying for entirely too long suddenly rises to the surface and he lets it overtake him for the time being, allowing himself to revel in the discomfort he knows he's going to cause Spock to experience before a wave of shame accompanied by guilt washes over him. 

He's just trying to get a rise out of him, see how far he can take it till Spock finally crumbles from the weight of his emotions. He knows he's playing a dangerous game, but he can't help it. 

''I know you've been spending an awful lot of time with Jim lately,'' he continues, letting the frustration twist his words,''but you never seem to have some time left for _me_. I'm your boyfriend, remember?'' 

Spock seems both startled and perplexed by his admission and it shows in the tiniest flicker of his left eye and the momentary parting of his lips, but he quickly schools his expression back to one of impassivity.

''Doctor, as you well know, the captain and I are close friends, nothing more, nothing less,'' Spock assures him in a detached tone, though Bones has known him long enough to tell that he's irritated and it's becoming harder for him to hide it - or perhaps it's becoming easier for him to read. 

A part of him secretly hopes that he can finally make him lose control for real, just this once. Then he remembers what happened when Jim ended up emotionally compromising him and winces at the sheer stupidity of it. ''Jealousy is unnecessary.'' 

The _and unwarranted_ is left unsaid, but Bones knows that this is what Spock meant to convey. He has always been adamant about jealousy being illogical since they began dating approximately six weeks ago. _Illogical._ He has come to dread that word, but much as he has come to be fond of all things that are _indeed fascinating, Doctor_ , each utterance of it reminds him of Spock. 

''So we're back to 'doctor', now, are we? Wonderful,'' Bones huffs, and it takes a considerable effort not to roll his eyes. ''It only took me a year and a half to get you to call me anything else.'' He mumbles the last part in an undertone, but Spock picks up on it nonetheless and his frown deepens, confusion written all over his angular features. 

Between the shallow mind-melds Spock regularly performs on him (though they've been scarce lately, and not for lack of trying on Bones' part) and Spock's heightened senses, he can never hide anything from the half-Vulcan for long - not that he'd particularly want to, but he values his privacy as much as the next person. 

In many ways, he finds himself at a disadvantage in this arrangement of theirs, but he figures that he may compensate with his relatively extensive experience in the realm of human interaction and interpersonal relationships... or at least that's what tries to tell himself when Spock is acting all odd and _rejecting_ him, for lack of a better term - he knows full well how pathetic he sounds but that doesn't stop him from feeling rejected and inadequate anyway. He has no clue what he has done wrong and Spock won't cooperate with him no matter how hard he tries to push him to talk. 

For the hundredth time since he began dating Spock, he silently curses Surak and his principles for making his boyfriend so goddamn hard to reach out to. 

''Leonard,'' Spock says gravely, startling him from his musings, and his shoulders sag in defeat,''I am afraid you have misinterpreted my actions. I was acting in your best interest by distancing myself from you.'' 

''The hell you were,'' Bones replies with an edge to his voice, feeling the pent up anger he's accumulated during the past week threatening to spill over. ''Am I dreaming or are you giving me the Vulcan equivalent of the 'it's not you, it's me' speech?'' 

The laugh that escapes him is humorless. 

''Have you been trying to stealthily break up with me all along, hoping I would catch your drift and end the relationship myself?'' he asks, pointing an accusatory finger at Spock, who shifts - almost imperceptibly - in his seat, but Bones catches it all the same.

When Spock doesn't say anything and simply stares at him with a blank expression, Bones feels the anxiety rushing back in at an alarming speed. The word _coward_ is on the tip of his tongue, but he'd rather punch himself a thousand times over than utter it. There must be another explanation. Spock isn't... Spock couldn't... 

''I believe we have fallen prey to yet another misunderstanding, Leonard,'' Spock says softly and for the first time in days he can sense only sincerity in his voice. ''If you would allow me to meld with you, I would hope to clarify certain matters. I believe that due to an alcoholic overindulgence on your part,'' - Bones snorts at that and Spock cocks an eyebrow at him -''you lack the memory of a certain incident that occurred 2.18 weeks ago. Once I impart it to you, all will become clear.'' 

Bones stares at him in disbelief but doesn't try to argue.

''Will you be able to hear my thoughts?'' he asks instead. 

Bones usually wouldn't mind Spock exploring the intricate depths of his mind, especially if the promise of an undisturbed night's sleep was part of the deal, but right now he'd rather not share something so intimate with him after weeks of abstinence.

''Not if you do not wish me to.''

There is no inflection to his tone, but his eyes betray a hint of sorrow. 

''Okay, then,'' he replies and he can feel his palms begin to sweat in anticipation and he wets his lips nervously. 

Spock tentatively approaches him, raising his index, middle finger and thumb before him and waits until Bones nods his approval to touch him. The pads of his fingers are soft and hotter than he anticipated, grazing his skin gingerly and making him shiver despite himself. He unconsciously presses himself closer to the half-Vulcan, invading his personal space - it has been so long since Spock has allowed such proximity to take place between them and he wants to make the most of it. 

The tension in the room rises to an immeasurable degree as Spock inhales deeply and closes his eyes, his fingers applying the slightest amount of pressure on his psi-points.

The image he sees is out-of-focus, but he can clearly distinguish the outline of two figures that appear to be in an animated conversation. He recognizes one of them as Spock, judging by his bowl cut and pointed ears, but only when he takes a closer look at the other one does he connect the dots; the man that stands next to Spock is himself, though he has no recollection of this conversation ever taking place. 

''Leonard, it would only be logical for us to bond,'' he hears Spock say sultrily in reply to what his double has just said, which, judging by his scowl, must not have been entirely pleasant. His voice is surprisingly high-pitched. ''My Time is imminent - _hic_ \- and our current relationship is proceeding at a rate - _hic_ \- which I had never before - _hic_ \- anticipated and that brings me to-''

Spock is cut off by an impending string of hiccoughs and tries to muffle them with the back of his hand, to no avail. He resigns himself to lean against Bones in a lump of uncoordinated limbs. 

''Don't you dare bring logic into this,'' Bones explodes, disentangling himself from Spock in the process. ''My decision's final. There's no way in hell I'm gonna get Vulcan-married two months into a relationship.'' 

''Technically, Vulcan bonds-'' Spock starts, but Bones interrupts him.

''I said no,'' he says, louder and perhaps a tad harsher than he intended. He's now only mere inches from Spock, and he thinks that their noses could come into contact if only Spock inclined his head towards him. 

His double crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Spock. Spock's nostrils flare and for a moment there, Bones swears that he looks feral, the glint in his eye nothing short of dangerous. He grips Bones 2.0's bicep with such force that it sends him reeling backwards. 

Thankfully, Spock catches him right before he falls to the ground, a hand firmly - almost possessively - resting on his hip. 

''Len,'' he says, his voice hoarse but considerably softer,''I think I might be experiencing the symptoms of what appears to be - _hic_ \- an advanced stage of alcohol intoxication.''

Bones thinks Spock might be exaggerating a little, but refrains from voicing his opinion. 

''That's it,'' his double says, surprisingly calm under the circumstances,''no more chocolate wine for you. Ya damned Vulcan half can't hold your liquor.''

And with that he squirms free from Spock's embrace and storms away, leaving a hiccoughing and utterly confused Spock behind. 

When the vision slowly begins to fade, Bones is instantly pulled back from Spock's mind and the resulting emptiness tears at his chest. The shock alone brings tears to his eyes and he nearly stumbles to the ground, only coming back to reality when he senses the faintest pressure of a hand - Spock's hand - on his shoulder, steadying him, grounding him. 

''I don't understand,'' is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

Spock expels a drawn breath that he would insist is anything but a sigh, but Bones knows better, and turns to look at him. 

''I have not been entirely truthful concerning your memory loss,'' Spock begins and is it just him or does it look like Spock is fidgeting with his hands? 

''I thought Vulcans were incapable of lying,'' Bones says, and if there's a hint of disappointment behind the words he couldn't care less. _Were you ever planning on telling me the truth?_ is left unsaid, but he knows that Spock can infer that much. 

''There are many ways in which the truth can be manipulated,'' is Spock's only response. Oh, joy. Apparently Spock hadn't lost his tendency to be cryptic during their rift. 

A pregnant pause follows Spock's admission, and Bones finds himself reviewing Spock's behavior during the past two weeks and can only come to one conclusion: 

''You erased it. Why?'' 

''I did not wish you to see me... in that state,'' Spock says in a gravelly voice, shame permeating his every word. 

''When you told me to cure your hangover on the following day, you gave me access to all memories associated with the alcoholic beverage itself and since you had not specified anything regarding that matter, I deemed it appropriate'' - Bones thanks whatever deity is out there that he didn't have the guts to say _logical_ , because it would have taken a greater level of self-restraint than he currently possesses for him not to deck Spock right then and there - ''to get rid of them all so as to facilitate your recovery. Furthermore I believed that you wished to terminate our association and as I did not wish to do so I acted in the only way that satisfied both of our interests.'' 

He takes a deep breath and continues: ''I understand if you wish to never speak to me again and will take leave of my quarters for the night if you so wish.'' 

''You sneaky Vulcan bastard,'' Bones lets out after what feels like an eternity. ''You manipulative devil. I never would've pegged you for the type, but I have to say I'm impressed. That was a blatant display of emotionalism on your part, Spock.'' 

Halfway through his tirade he realizes that Spock will most likely interpret it as an insult, but he presses on. 

''In your own way, you only proved that you're just as emotional as the rest of us, perhaps even more so. The only difference is that you go out of your way to bottle it all up, but you can no longer fool me. I know your dirty little secret, Spock,'' he taunts. ''You _feel_.'' 

Bones doesn't have to be a god damned touch-telepath to sense Spock's shame emanating from him. 

Before Spock can even begin to think about it, Bones' gut feeling tells him that sooner or later, if he doesn't intervene, Spock will honor his promise to depart from his quarters, so he says the first thing that comes to mind to prevent him from repeating this vicious cycle of isolation, voice gruff with barely-repressed anger: ''Don't you _dare_ leave me alone now, Spock.'' 

He doesn't care if it comes out as more desperate than he intended. 

Spock is hesitant at first, but he slowly makes his way over to where Bones is now sitting on the edge of his bed, awkwardly standing before him with his hands clasped behind his back. Bones rolls his eyes and pats the spot next to him in a silent invitation. 

When he takes too long to comply, Bones sighs and exclaims: ''Just get over here, you damned over-sized Vulcan body pillow. I need my beauty rest.'' 

Spock raises an eyebrow at that, but nonetheless joins him without protest. He seems to still be under the impression that he is not welcome to close the distance between them, that he has not yet earned the right to, and Bones takes it upon himself to disabuse him of that notion by snuggling up to him, letting out a long, drawn-out contented sigh as he twines their legs. 

He wants to let the rage take over and give Spock a piece of his mind, but his body is exhausted beyond belief, his mind is light-years away and it's infinitely easier to pretend that none of this ever happened for the time being. 

They have the rest of their lives to be at each other's throats, the rest of their lives to figure each other out. Right now he just wants to hold on to Spock and never let go. 

''It'll take a lot more than that to get rid of me, ya hear?'' he whispers, one hand splayed across Spock's chest, absently playing with the coarse hair. 

Spock nods noncommittally, otherwise staying perfectly still in Leonard's arms. 

''Spock?'' 

He doesn't wait for his boyfriend's reply. 

''Love you.''

A beat passes and then Bones adds, almost as an after-thought: 

''I better be getting one hell of an apology tomorrow if you still want us to bond in the future.''

**Author's Note:**

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